What Every Parent Needs To Know About Pedophiles and Grooming
I am often asked, how can you spot a pedophile? The answer to that is, you can’t. They look like your neighbor, coach, teacher, lawyer, judge, law enforcement, clergy or pastor, anyone, because they can be anyone. It does not matter if they are rich/poor, educated/uneducated, race, religion, or gender. There are certain characteristics and habits that pedophiles possess, as well as questionable behaviors which are telling warning signs.
It is important to distinguish between a pedophile and a sexual molester. A pedophile has strong recurrent sexual fantasies about their victims and usually the target of their affection is less than 12 years old. They see nothing wrong with sex with a child and feel it is healthy for the child. They not only target one child, but can target many simultaneously. They can be single minded and focused to stay close to children, until they get what they want; which is one of their defining trademarks. They may even marry a single mother to get close to the child. A child molester usually desires power, fear, and control, as exhibited in many homes of domestic violence.
Often a pedophile is a single male, over 30 years of age, single, and with few friends. If married, their intimate relationship is usually strained. He may be vague about employment time gaps or previous living addresses. Their hobbies are ones that would appeal to the age of the children they seek to groom and rape. Almost all pedophiles have a collection of porn that they refuse to get rid of and protect at all cost. Some pedophiles prefer children around the age of puberty, while others prefer them much younger. They work around children, put themselves in position to babysit or any need a single mother or a distressed parent may have. Some pedophiles will molest their own children and grandchildren, while others will molest and rape outside of the family,
They target children from broken homes; children who are withdrawn, troubled by their own sexuality, as in puberty; handicapped; or underprivileged homes. Then he showers them with gifts, exciting places, and expensive toys for them or something for their home. Then he makes them feel special, loved, and deserving of all the attention they are receiving. They target a child through the internet, neighborhood, malls, movies, etc. After they have made contact, they slowly gain the child’s trust and confidence; slowly leave the child with the belief that no one can understand them more, than the perpetrator. The pedophile will isolate the child from anyone that may take notice of their actions and behaviors, or that would protect the child.
Slowly, and this may even take years, the pedophile will groom their victim by slowly brushing against the child or touching the child inappropriately. His advances continue until the child accepts this as normal. If it is a small child, they tell them it is their secret; or something bad will happen if they tell. A perpetrator confides in them, gaining their trust and secrets, threatening to expose the child if the child tells; thus the abuse continues until the perpetrator moves on or the child is in a safe free zone and can express what has happened to them. Usually this takes years to disclose, if ever, because of the fear, guilt of their body responding and shame of what has happened. The children are silenced by threats and fear!
One factor that pedophiles cannot control is that all victims grow up and recall the events, usually in their twenties, thirties, and forties. At this time, the victims are so angered at the abuse, the betrayal, no one protecting them, and being victimized, that they tell to protect other children from being abused. New laws are being implemented across the nation for no statute of limitations and free DNA testing for all children of sexual assault. The truth is revealed eventually.
As in any sexual assault cases, there are false claims, which are usually dismissed. False accusations are just as wrong as the pedophile who grooms and rapes children. The biggest thing you can do for your home, school, or community is to teach children how to protect themselves through programs like the Good/Touch Bad/Touch Program which is a fun, age appropriate skit for Pre-K – 6th grades, about this is my body, yell and tell; and keep telling until someone listens. Prevention is key to combating a multiple generational epidemic.
Warning Signs Your Child May Have Been Abused:
Many times parents, grandparents, school officials, family, and friends are confronted with a situation, such as child sexual assault, and they do not know how to handle it properly. Child sexual assault happens to children 0-18 years of age; and most often the perpetrator is a family member, someone the child knows, or an acquaintance. Sexual abuse can include fondling, touching, and kissing inappropriately, or pornography with the child. Each instance is just as traumatic as the other, with lifelong effects and consequences.
• Many children will explore their bodies and this is natural. What is not natural is when their behavior becomes outside the norm or their behavior seems inappropriately sexual for their age.
• They may become more aggressive.
• They may burst into tears for no reason.
• They will have nightmares and may demand the light stay on.
• They may start to wet the bed.
• They may inappropriately touch their dolls or action figures during play.
• They may begin to hurt animals.
• They may become shy, withdrawn, have mood swings, or become depressed.
• They may become promiscuous.
• They may start using drugs and alcohol to numb the pain
• At first they may be fearful of an adult, a certain place, or a thing. It is not uncommon for an abused child to develop a bond with the abuser.
• Unexplained bruises, rashes, or cuts.
If you know a child who has been abused or suspect abuse please call the following help lines. Remember, it is not the child’s fault!
Critical Phone Numbers
Child Abuse
Childhelp's National Child Abuse Hotline
800-4-A-CHILD (800-422-4453)
Child Care
Child Care Aware
1-800-424-2246
Domestic Violence
National Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-799-SAFE (800-799-7233)
TDD 1-800-787-3224
Missing and Exploited Children
National Center for Missing and Exploited Children
1-800-THE-LOST (1-800-843-5678)
Runaway Youth
National Runaway Switchboard
1-800-621-4000
National Human Trafficking Resource Center
National Human Trafficking Resource Center
1-888-3737-888
RAINN offers an online hotline. Anyone can access help over the internet.
http://apps.rainn.org/ohl-bridge/
FACSA Foundation (Family and Friends Fighting Against Child Sexual Assault)
(318) 539-2571
facsasavethechildren@hotmail.com
facsasavethechildren.com
Springhill, Louisiana Police Department 318. 539. 2511
Louisiana Abuse Hotline 1-855-452-5437
Child Protective Services in Minden, Louisiana 318.371.3004
http://www.trutv.com/library/crime/criminal_mind/psychology/pedophiles/1.html
http://crime.about.com/od/sex/p/pedophile.htm
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